You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
