the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
