How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
