A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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