I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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