And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
