about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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