I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
