So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
