I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
