that's an acceptable place to lick
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
