and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
