good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
