You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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