Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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