There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
