A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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