I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
