I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
