As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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