Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
