what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
