I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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