Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
