apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
