while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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