Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found your dick twin last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
where are my eyebrows?
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