a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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