I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
