you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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