Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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