I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
