So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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