Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
