i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
