I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
