I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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