First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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