I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
