its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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