P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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