Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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