So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
