the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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