Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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