And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
