you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
