So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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