I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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