I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let's paint friendship bongs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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