I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
