Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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