Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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