i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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