drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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