I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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