White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
