my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
