Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
